How To Ride The Metro

My darling dears, when using public transportation in major cities like NY or Washington, DC – try to remember these three simple rules to prevent yourself the combined traumatic experiences of getting cussed out in several languages and possibly being bitch slapped into oblivion as well.

1.)If when riding the train(subway) you have been unlucky enough to not have a seat and find yourself stuck in the doorway, do your best to stand aside as passengers exit to prevent yourself from being elbowed to death before being trampled to smithereens.

2.)If you are fortunate enough to have a standing room only spot in the aisle, do not and I repeat for emphasis, DO NOT EVER lean your buttocks against the seat of a sitting  passenger. The behinds of strangers against one’s shoulder or any where near one’s facial area without invitation is deemed highly offensive in most cultures! AND it’s just plain rude! This offense merits a hard, loud, ugly back handed bitch slap and your dear sweet Mimi won’t be able to save you sugah…Ooh, chile – just don’t do it!

3.)Finally to the boyish young men and old men of some major cities: I realize that you may not have had the benefit of one bit of home training. Mimi understands and wants you to know that it is never to late to learn better manners, baby.  So please be kind enough to offer your seat to anyone of any race who is any combination of the following; elderly, disabled, pregnant, or a crying child. Pretending that you do not see them will not make them disappear!  Oomph, oomph, oomph…I’m shaking my head –  listen to your Mimi sugah, it’s never too late to grow up and be a man with good manners!

Love and hugs until next time –